It was only after what happened happened and I gave up the drink that I realised I was fraida heights. A few hours ago – last night or this morning or whatever – I was looking up at the roof of Paddy Fahy’s Pub and membering how I skipped across the black slates on that job. I’m a roofer. As much as yah can be these days anyway. We do the bit of facia and soffitt as well; me and the brother together. Used to be me and him and the aul fella too but the mother made him pack it in once the back went out. The mother was like that. I think about the aul pair a fair bit now. There’s things’l make yah do that.

I was standing outside Fahy’s looking up at the roof and waiting for Angie. It must’ve been three in the morning. You’d always get a few late ones in Fahy’s, specially on nights like that round Christmas. The pub’s on Friary lane. One of the four lanes that run down off Church Street towards the Shannon the way water would. It’s a grand spot or so I used to think anyway, it’s sorta hidden away between the terraces of narrow townhouses that look away from the river. It’s a real drinker’s pub. Before I gave up I’d be the first man inside in Fahy’s and usually the last leaving it too. Nights like that night I’d be in early getting warm inside and glowing with the feeling of being someone new. I’d be thinking this could be a great one. But it wasn’t always like that either. The weeks before what happened it’d been turning on me, sending me the other way – crying and that.

The lads were on to me earlier to come in. I won’t tell them what happened. Won’t tell Angie either. She’s seven months pregnant now. She shouldn’t be drinking and that’s a fact. It was the lads who told me she was in there. She was sposed to be at her sisters. We’d one of our rows the day before what happened happened and she moved out again. They texted me saying, come in, everyone’s here even Angie. It’s not like I’ve been doing much sleeping since what happened anyway so I got up and walked into town. I don’t mind the walking really. Don’t think I could drive now even if I still had the van. When I got to Fahy’s I couldn’t trust myself to go in so I waited. I stood and watched the frost come down and settle on the rooftops.